Friday Night Stew

How about a warm, savory stew tonight?

And cheese biscuits? Crackers and cheese? Sweet cornbread?

With the temperatures dipping, it's time to break out the woolens, put a fire in the fireplace, and have the newest, favorite book at hand. But, you have to have a good stew. Nothin' like it. If you like vegetable or tomato based soups, try this one:

Debbie's Autumn Beef Stew

1-2 lb. package beef stew meat

3 Tablespoons Smart Balance oil

1 large can V8

3 large carrots, chopped into bite-size pieces or sliced

6 medium to large potatoes, chopped into bite-size pieces

1/2 large onion, chopped

1 stalk celery, chopped

2 cups water, white wine, beef stock, or combination

salt, pepper, parsley, oregano, basil to taste

optional: 1/2 cup of vegetables like peas, green beans, or kernel corn

Brown meat, onion, celery, salt and pepper with oil in a dutch oven.

Add remaining ingredients and liquids and simmer on low heat for 1 hour or in a crock pot for 4-6 hours.

Serves 6-8.

Let me tell you: I'm all about easy cooking, and this is easy and delicious. Let me know how you like it.

Happy Friday Night!

See you in the funny papers.

Rain, Rain, Go Away

"Only a very little, Mr. Flood -

For auld lang syne. No more, sir; that will do."

"Mr. Flood's Party"

-Edwin Arlington Robinson

Drippy Greetings, Blogworld!

Have you ever had one of those months you wanted to pass? Aw, I know you have. That's about how I am feeling about October. I have emptied over 30 inches of rain from my rain gauge this month. Probably can't count on one hand the days we've seen sunshine since September.

Nevertheless, I needed to get out today and check on the renovation house and go see one of my favorite people in the world, my dentist. Actually, I do like him; He's more like a friend than a professional, and I love his wife. We have a history. In the friend way.

Folks in these parts have had a prayer vigil going for the last 24 hours. We were warned that this storm would be BIG, as in tornadoes, hail, flash flooding, the like. Businesses in low lying areas have sand-bagged and have braced for the worst. This is what my dentist's office looked like:

This part of town has a good-sized creek running through it and tends of flood from heavy rains. The last time it flooded, people were saying that snakes were all over the parking lots. *cringe**shiver*
The rain subsided, but for a moment.




The rain came.


Just in showers. The harsher weather passed to the north and to the east. 34 said that Shreveport experienced a tornado in the downtown area, ripping a steeple from a Methodist church and depositing it on a moving car. Pray for the man in the hospital.
"No more, sir; that will do."
Hope you are all safe and sound tonight.
See you in the funny papers.

Garden Ramblings

Oh, I'm having deep thoughts running through my brain today. Words like 'pollinators' and 'Liriodendron Tulipifera' and 'mollusks.' Words like that. Except that I'm just a common folk, and these words don't normally conform to my everyday thoughts and vocabulary. But, you master gardeners will recognize these scientific terms, no doubt.


Honestly, I've never been any kind of gardener until the last few years. 34 has always been the one to plant umpteen trees like pecan, oak, sweet gum, fruit, dogwood, Japanese maple, and the like. When we moved to this corner of the world in 1988, he planted 2,000 Virginia pine trees which jump started our family's Christmas tree farm business. One year, he planted two acres of purple hull peas and has been known to plant an over-abundance of vegetables, some to keep and some to share. Just like his dad.


So, since I've only just begun my romance with the plant world (Hey, give me a break - I've been growing kids!), I've honed in on my favorites: herbs and butterfly gardening. The only rose bush I can nicely grow is the shrub rose, so I'll probably stick with those, but just send me native plant shrubs and herbs and flowers, and I'll be happy.

However, I do like to read about new ideas and ran across a good newspaper article. Knowing how to couple plants with beneficial companions can extend the life of the plant and help it produce prolifically, apparently. Here are some combinations I thought were good:

• basil with tomatoes, peppers, or eggplants


• mint with cucumbers


• squash with onions, borage, catnip, tansy, or radishes


• cabbage, kale, collards, broccoli, Brussels sprouts with rosemary, onions, garlic, or dill

And, always keep the silly, fake doe doe bird with the wood ferns.

So, my thoughts today turn toward winter gardening, especially since it's a gorgeous, rare day of sunshine here in the piney woods of Northeast Texas. If you'd like to contribute any gardening ideas to my rambling mind, I'm open.

See you in the funny papers.

I've Got to Lose Weight - Conclusion

I've Got to Lose Weight - Part III

Just then, I heard my neighbor's voice, and he was laughing. "Debbie, what are you doing? I brought the sheriff!"

O the stinkin' toilet! Stifling his laughter, the sheriff shouted at me, "Ma'am?" I knew that voice. I knew that man. His daughter and mine were good friends. He and I had a history of speeding our vehicles in what would normally be a two-hour trip into a one hour haul. He howled, "We need to get you out of that window!" Oh, really? Don't you dare take a picture, buster.

I screamed at them: "Take a picture and it'll last longer! Go home, law man! I did not call you!" *pushpullkickpushpullkickpushpullkick* I couldn't see them, but I knew what they were doing; they were just standing there, like men, with their hands in their pockets, having a good chuckle at a poor, over-abundant woman in trouble.

I heard the sound of another car. My boys! Yep, they had driven up and were laughing their heads off. "Mom, what are you doing? You look funny!" *roar*

I'm sure seeing their chubby mama's granny-pantied fanny and little fat kicking legs was no laughing matter, but they were bustin' at the seams. "Mom, are you STUCK?" *harharharhar*

"Boys, you'd better shut up and get in that door and get me outa here! NOW!" I could hear them coming in the house, saying, "Hey, get the camera!" "No, we'd better not do that!" "She wouldn't feed us for a month!" *harharharharhar*

Then, I felt all those hands...My boys' hands pulling me through the window by my arms, and other whosoeverhands pushing me through the window by my legs and other places, with me screaming all the way! My whole portly figure was one big, red scrape, all the way down and totally indecent!

Suddenly, at least 20 of them were all in the bathroom. With me half naked. I was crying by then.

"Debbie. Mom. What's wrong? What happened?" laughing, of course. I showed them the mess on the back deck. The other two critters had abandoned their meal.

I ran back to the bathroom, slammed the door, and locked myself in. How could I ever face anyone again? I could hear the whooping, louder, louder, the knee slapping... I could only imagine the visual images forever committed to memory. I've got to lose weight.

So, we can only come away from this story with several morals:

Moral #1: Get somebody sexier to clean house with!
Moral #2: Never wear underwear while cleaning house...never!
Moral #3: Never shoot raccoons in your underwear!
Moral #4: Throw away the granny panties and sports bra for Victoria's Secret stuff!
Moral #5: Be sure the neighbors aren't home when you clean house!
Moral #6: Open wide the windows and doors when you clean house in your underwear, but, remember Moral #2.
Moral #7: Slip your cell phone in your panties to use if you ever get locked out of the house!
Moral #8: Remember that fat women can't crawl through skinny windows!
Moral #9: Always pack heat!!!

THE END

Monday List

Happy Rainy Chilly Day!

I think I've told you before that I love Mondays! Don't know why. Just always have. It must be one of those mental things, like loving brussel sprouts or liver and onions or hogshead cheese, perhaps. There's a Post-It note on my boys' bathroom mirror attributed to Norman Vincent Peale that says, "Change your thoughts, and you change your world." I like that.

With most of my work done, I'm changing my gears to finish a project today and start others.

The first and foremost project to complete is the denim quilt. This was a collection of jeans which were cut into twelve inch squares and sewn using the quick brick pattern onto a black and white hounds tooth backing.

Big tip for you: Having a heavy duty machine or a machine specifically manufactured for sewing denim is very important. Since denim is a very heavy cotton, it requires the heavier machine, larger needle, and heavy duty thread.

The finished project is attractive but heavy. This quilt is personal, cherished, and warm.

Last year, 34 and I were walking through a large department store and passed a charming display of these cuties:
These throws were mass produced and marketed and were relatively inexpensive, but I'm going to make my own version. I'll be shopping for fabrics this week. Maybe I'll make a few for gifts...


Another project this week is to putty the big bedroom's walls. With adult children moving on, it's time for repainting and updating some rooms before holiday rush. Sure should have done this before November, but that's the way it goes.


This week's list: turn off the television, shop for fabric, putty walls, work on Christmas quartet, memorize Psalm 146:6-10 (didn't finish it last week), read a chapter of War and Peace each day, and prepare for Fall Festival on Saturday.


Should be a busy week. Tomorrow: Part III of "I've Got to Lose Weight" saga.


See you in the funny papers.

Sunday Ten Minute Report

Good evening, good people!

Tonight's report begins with the Dallas Cowboys win today! Sadly for us, not one television station in this area carried the game. There will be a revolt!

34 says the internet sites out of Dallas are all but calling for Wade's resignation or firing. What is going to happen, does anybody venture to guess? Personally, I think Dallas needs to fire Jerry, like that could ever happen.

My 34 love made hay of the bright, sunshiny day yesterday. I had him on top of the house painting fascia boards and trim. Roofers are notorious for sloppy jobs, but this crew was good, except for many nasty handprints left on the trim and siding.

Now, 34 did not like me taking his picture. That's why Rick doesn't want me to tell his name or show his mug. heehee Got his better side!

Look at this picture that 34 took. These beauties were out in full force this weekend.

To switch subjects, our Sunday table always has several people around it - family plus adopted sons, regularly. Kid #3 likes to bring his buddies home to have at least one home-cooked meal a week, so I always plan for a few more folks to feed. Last week while shopping, I found a beautiful pot roast and paid $17 for it, thinking it would feed plenty. So, preparing for six to eight big folks, three or four being adult men, I had pot roast, potatoes and carrotts, green beans, green salad, homemade rolls, and chocolate pie.

Around one o'clock, there were only four of us at home, the girls, 34, and myself. Checking my cell phone and noticing it was on 'silent,' I saw that kid#3 had texted me. I wasn't wearing my glasses, so this is what transacted:

kid: Hey, I won't be there for lunch but I will be home after play practice if you want to save me a plate. Thanks!

me: You and Rod were suposed be home to eet. I bought a $17 pot roast. There are smarving children in africa.

kid: ?Are you ok Mom?

me: (reference Seinfeld) The soup mazi is in the house.

kid: Do we need to take a trip to the mental hospital LOL

me: lol yoursef - get you hom to et the goast!

By the end of these exchanges, I was frustrated that I made so much food with only four wonderful people to eat it. Plus, I couldn't see. 34 said that I should just make sandwiches from now on. Maybe I will.

Hope y'all have a good week. I'll have the conclusion to "I've Got to Lose Weight" on Tuesday. Stay tuned.

See you in the funny papers.

Mom Report

I spoke with Queen Mother late last night. She's such a brave soul. Her last radiation treatment is today - 28 total, I think. She's done well, the little soldier. Then, she and two friends are heading toward Houston way where my brother and his precious family live to rest and recup a short while before heading home.

I want to say a personal word of thanks here to my sister, Lu, for the awesome way she cared for Mom during the last six weeks. Lu, Mom could not have had better care during this time, and I just want to say 'Thanks!' You are so the comfort and joy woman!

With Mom being absent from her house for several weeks, it's been my job to check on the condition of the house, to water the plants, catch the mail, stuff like that. Several times over the years, Mom and Dad came home from trips to a flooded house, where the water heater had burst, or to a leaky roof, or whatever. You know how it is - you leave the house, and it takes on a mind of its own and invites all the party animals. Literally.

Today when I walked in, the distinct smell of dead mice filled my nostrils. Oh, yes. If there's anything I hate more than raccoons, it's meece. Kid #5 recently told me she wanted a gerbil. I put the nix on that right then.

Years ago, 34 and I took a job at a private hunting and fishing club. My job was to manage the kitchen facilities and the kitchen/club house employees. Too quickly, I discovered the nasty meece had moved into the storage room and pantry in between managers. I could hear them scampering around the big pantry in the night. (Our bedroom shared a wall with the storage room and pantry.) *cringe* Sometimes, I would be awake to hear *snap* *squeal*. *cringe*

I could never bring myself to deal with them. They just give me the creeps. Del, my kitchen manager, would have to come in in the early mornings and empty the traps. Then, she'd set them before she went home at night. I'm one of those women that climbs on the chair or table or whatever is available to get as far away from meese as possible. And, just give me the D-Con, not the traps. *cringe* *shiver*

Nonetheless, I knew that I needed to find the meece perpetrator(s). I'm familiar with the locations of the traps, so I began my search.

The food is gone, but the trap's not sprung. How do they do that? Isn't there somebody out there that can build a better mousetrap????

This trap is sprung and the bait is gone. How do they do that?

There he is, Mom. Got 'im! Behind the refrigerator!



*gag* He's been there a while. *gag* I reached in and picked up the trap. *gag* And threw him back on the floor. *dry heave* (These pictures are making me sick!)


*gag* I found Mom's garden gloves and picked the thing up. Yes, I did. *dry heave* I actually unloaded the thing in the trash can and barfed on top of him. Good and buried. Then I took a deep breath and commenced to sit on the floor and reset all the traps. For ten minutes I sat there, trying get one to cooperate. Caught my finger in one, so I gave up. *ouch*

Today, I'm going to buy D-Con. Or a cat. Oh, by the way, deer-deer, goose-geese, sheep-sheep, mice-meece...
The things you do for parents!
See you in the funny papers.

Fall is in the Air!

Good cloudy morning, blogworld! Maybe you see the sun today. That's a good thing.

How are all my dear friends today? Just want to share some fall decorating pictures with you. Some are beautiful, some are outrageous; that's what this eclectic world is all about.

My new friend, Kathy, was gracious to let me snap these pictures of her beautifully decorated home and yard. Thank you, Kathy. Kathy's house is way out in the boondocks down a lonely county road, which I traverse often, just because of her place and another that I just love to look at. Gorgeous, manicured lawns, lush landscaping -- what my friend Vickie from Sand Flat Farms would call "eye candy."

Now and then, I'll get brave enough to pull in a driveway, ring the door bell, and exclaim how interesting her house/yard/landscape is and ask if she would mind if I take pictures. That's how I met Kathy, so gracious and welcoming. She left nothing untouched by her magic.

Sometimes, I don't ask; I just snap pictures. This guy loves to decorate. Every season, it's fun just to drive by and check out his decorations.

I don't know the people who live here, either, but I loved the colors and textures going on:

My friend, Angie's, mailbox:

A precious scripture from Genesis 8, following the world flood, says, "And the Lord smelled a sweet savor; and the Lord said in his heart (emphasis mine -- how beautiful --the Lord said in his heart), I will not again curse the ground any more for man's sake; for the imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth; neither will I again smite any more every thing living, as I have done. While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night shall not cease." (King James Version)
That God is continually faithful by His promise to His creation - to let us experience the seasons' changes, to let this world not totally burn up or freeze to death, for us to know that there will be a tomorrow - is such a comfort to my soul. By faith, I believe.
Have a lovely fall.
See you in the funny papers.

Those Ads!!!

Hey out there, blogworld!

Did you get a load of those google ads alongside the last post???? Men Wearing Bras, Cheap Bras Made For Men, High Heels For Men?

Good Lord, what's this world coming to? Hey, y'all, I'm sorry for the cheap laughs.

See you in the funny papers.

I've Got to Lose Weight - Part II

I've Got to Lose Weight - Part II


Turning the corner of the house, I was caught like a deer in the headlights! With my gun, my mop, wearing granny panties and a sports bra, there I was in my neighbor's truck lights shining on my sweaty, fleshy frame. I looked down at myself, thinking: "I've got to lose weight!"

Oh, my sinking ship! Could it get any worse! My cute, young, unwed neighbor had the look of shock on his face! What horrors he must have seen! I screamed at him, "Turn off those stupid lights and go back where you came from!"

He yelled back, "Debbie, are you all right? I heard the gun and the screams! Are you all right?"

"Of course, I aaaaaaaammm! Go hoooooooooome!" I screeched at the top of my lungs.

"I'm going to call the sheriff!" he hollered back. With that, he left.

"And don't come back!" I railed to his retreating pick-up.

O, my ever lovin' good Samaritan! 'I've got to get into the house,' I thought, 'or hide in the woods. Better the house.'

With all the doors and windows closed and locked, I thought I remembered the bathroom window was unlocked. But, that window is...quite a bit...smaller...than...I...am... But, I made up my mind. I was going through that window come the sheriff or high water.

Leaning my mop against the side of the house and putting down my gun, I knew I had to run for help. That window was more than head high, and I needed some lift power. Running a distance in the dark to the tool shed, I located a stack of detergent buckets in the corner between the lawnmower and the tiller. Breathing hard and wrestling the machines out of the way, I grabbed the stack and wagged them like a pregnant woman back to the house, propped them under the window, and began my wobbly climb. I felt like I was on a high wire, those buckets straining to hold Ms. Doughboy. The adrenalin was pumping.

I don't know how I pushed that window open and up, but, suddenly, it was up. I thrust in one arm, my head, and in went the other arm, and I began to inch and wiggle my little pudgy self into the window frame. Not far into the window, I realized what a stupid idea this was. I should have chosen the woods. If I could just push on the toilet tank with my arms and kick my legs really hard, maybe I could somehow propel myself into the room... *pushpullkickpushpullkickpushpullkick...*

This was not working. I was holy stuck! Half in, half out! Maybe it was comical, like a picture in a comic book - an over sized, granny-pantied butt protruding out the skinny window with little fat legs flailing in the air...

Just then, I heard my neighbor's voice, and he was laughing. "Debbie, what are you doing? I brought the sheriff!"


Continued (when I get good and ready to tell you the last of the story...)

Monday List

My Monday List: Get through this day -- laughing -- somehow!

My morning began with *phone call*, "Mom!" crying woman wailed. "My car just quit!" Crying loudly. "I can't lose this job!"

So I head off down the highway (with NO trash bag hanging on my mirror), drive about 30 miles, and see her parked in Sonic. Of course, in Sonic! We switch cars, leaving me with the problem. I ordered a drink, and the Sonic manager brings it out. I explain to him the problem of why this car has been here so long this morning. He's so kind. He says, "My wife's car had the same problem. Just a minute..." He leaves and comes back with a tool. I pop my hood. He tells me that his Grandfather taught him how to fix cars, and bless his heart, he does everything he knows to get me going.

In the meantime, this man pulls up to a stall, orders, backs up, and yells at me to "hold on." A moment later, he's back with another guy, apparently a local mechanic, who makes a quick diagnosis, taps the starter, and starts the car.

In the repair shop, the very helpful mechanic guy calls for the part, but the part can't be delivered today. Very nicely, he shoves me off toward home. The car did make it home. I drive straight to another mechanic, who - again - diagnoses the problem, except, by now, the problem has grown to starter, tune-up, computer board. Ohhhhhh!

As of 2:00 p.m., I'm waiting by the phone with no car to drive, waiting for the verdict.

So today, my Monday list is this: Pray, praise, and laugh this thing silly. The perspective is that this is only temporary; this computer security system can be fixed. It's only temporary. Appliance and mechanical problems are only temporary. Nothing is set in stone, except God. He is the Stone the builders rejected, our Cornerstone, our Rock.

Today, I will laugh. Tonight and this week, I will praise my God. That's my Monday List.

See you in the funny papers.

Sunday's Ten Minute Report

Good evening. Tonight's report is sponsored by Hefty.



The Dallas Cowboys did NOT get beat this weekend. (That's because they didn't play.) I'm sure Jerry was relieved, like the rest of us.

My great and wonderful kid #4 was in this weekend. He's such a cut-up, always in a good mood, always has a bear hug for me, and is grateful for life! Of course, he wanted all his favorite foods - queso, fried chicken and fixin's, lasagna, etc. Dorm food rocks, you know. He's in ministry school in Dallas and is currently working on five piano recital pieces, one by Rachmaninoff and other like composers. Jeeeepers! What a cut-up dude!

34 and I had our usual Sunday afternoon date. We've been doing this for years. We cut out from the rigamoro of kids and head to see 34's boy Raymond down at the Sonic. After that, we head to the ATM for some cash, get gas, and mosey on out to the renovation house for a front porch sittin' and conversin'. The stories those porch posts could tell!

Earlier this afternoon, I was heading to get kid #5 from her weekend getaway and thought I would take the trash to our cans located well away from our house. You can guess why. I usually get some kid to do it, but I thought I'd be a good mama and do it myself. Instead of placing the stinky bag in my vehicle, I hung it by the loops on my car door mirror. And instead of stopping by the barrels, I was lost in my own little world and completely forgot about the trash bag hanging from my car door mirror.

Off down the highway I went. Two cars and a truck passed me and honked. I'm thinking, 'Why are they honking? Do I know them?' And I craned my neck to see if I recognize them. They were laughing and pointing, and I just waved back, nodded my head, and smiled like maybe I knew them. Maybe...

About a mile or so down the road, my peripheral vision caught the bag movement flapping in the wind. Oh my gosh - the trash! I looked out at the bag, and it looked like the loops were stretching to the point of breaking. I rolled my window down and grabbed the bag. The wind was pretty chilly coming in, but I held on to the bag, not wanting to be parked along side the highway picking up trash.

Down the road about a mile is a convenience store with a large dumpster in the back. How do I know that? Because several years ago, I drove all the way down the highway to that convenience store with another full trash bag on top of my car. When I pulled up, the old grizzly men sitting on the benches outside the store were laughing and pointing and, when I got out, suggested to me that I should put my trash in the dumpster out back instead of carrying it around with me.

So, the store was really busy, and I pulled around to the back of the store to put my trash in the dumpster. I flung it in so hard it went straight to the back and sunk behind all the other trash bags. Before I turned around to walk back to my car, I noticed the sign: "NOT FOR PUBLIC USE. ALL VIOLATORS WILL BE PROSECUTED."

I looked around. Where are the cameras? Did anybody see me? I considered climbing in the huge can to retrieve my bag, but I jumped back in my car and roared off the lot. Now, I'm a fugitive, running for my life. Always looking over my shoulder. Catch me if you can. If for some reason I ever stop writing here, you'll know why.

This concludes tonight's report. Until next time...

See you in the funny papers.

Sunshine Glory

It was Sunshine Glory all day!

After being socked in for weeks by gray clouds, green clouds, black clouds, rolling clouds, clapping clouds, spinning clouds, racing clouds, misty clouds, rainy clouds, foggy clouds, low clouds, high clouds...clouds, clouds, clouds...



FINALLY, the clouds rolled away and out pops Sunshine Glory! Oh, Glory! Moods lightened, smiles returned, laughter heard, faces turned upward, praises shouted, voices raised in true thanksgiving.

The colors brighter, the wind crisper, the birds chirpier, the dogs happier, and for the moment, all's right with the world.

"Sing to the Lord a song of thanksgiving, sing psalms to the harp in honor of our God. He veils the sky in clouds and prepares rain for the earth. He clothes the hills with grass and green plants for the use of man."

"He gives the cattle their food and the young ravens all that they gather. The Lord sets no store by the strength of a horse and takes no pleasure in a runner's legs; his pleasure is in those who fear him, who wait for his true love." Portions of Psalm 147

O praise the Lord.

Banqueting Properly

NOTE: Did you know there's no such word in the dictionary search as 'banqueting?' (Aunt Max, if you read this, I know you will know.)

This evening, seventy-five of us had our first holiday dinner. We all gathered in jeans, suits and ties, police uniforms, cotton skirts and boots, semi-formal dresses and patent-leather shoes. The various fare was laid out buffet-style on a beautifully decorated counter, devilishly, delicious desserts and cookies on one long, scarved table, hot coffee and iced tea, sweetened and unsweetened, on another. Seventy-five friends banqueted properly.

Because, you see, banqueting properly only has to do with the fun of eating, talking, and sharing memories and laughs with old friends (like Dan and Gwen) and getting to know new friends: Hello, Ashton.

So, what's up with Sharon? Maybe she ate sour grapes before she came. Maybe she's saying 'when can I get in line?'

For those of you who don't celebrate the American tradition of Thanksgiving, I'm truly sorry. Even though it's mid-October and Thanksgiving is yet a month away, our thoughts here in Texas are turning ever so quickly to heavily-laden tables of traditional southern foods such as turkey, ham, cornbread dressing, cranberry sauce, giblet gravy, yeast rolls, sweet potato and green bean casseroles, pecan and pumpkin pies. I'm not sure what other areas of the country feast on for Thanksgiving, but I feel sorry for them, too. If you don't live in the South, you need to travel here for a Thanksgiving meal at least once in your lifetime.

This is banqueting properly. Bring on the cake, Connie!

And, here's kid #5, not wanting her picture snapped. Too bad.

Here's a silly little story:

We had a contest to see who could eat the most in the shortest time, and one man handily beat the other competitors by putting away half a turkey, half a ham, half a sweet potato casserole, twelve rolls, a whole cake, and 8 cups of coffee. As he was leaving, he turned around and said, "Hey, guys, don't let my wife know about this or I won't get any dinner."

See you in the funny papers.

Did you say "Sale?"

Did someone call for a sale? I heard you! Come on over. Would love to see you! (Buy something.)





See you in the funny papers.

I've Got to Lose Weight - Part I

This was a humorous speech I gave in Toastmasters which awarded me first place through club, area, and division contests. I did not win the big district trophy, however. Waaa... My daughter has encouraged me to write it out for you since it is a silly story, so I will write it in three parts. YOU BE THE JUDGE IF IT'S TRUE OR NOT. Here it is.


I'VE GOT TO LOSE WEIGHT - PART I


I've got to lose weight. Yes, pitiful things happen to me sometimes. I'm about to impart to you a sad, pitiful story that happened one hot summer night in East Texas.


But first, I need to tell you two things: I love to clean house in my underwear. Being over *cough* and overweight, I just don't go for the Victoria Secret undies. My rear might look better in them, but I stay with the Wal-Mart granny pantie and sports bra theme when I clean house. After all, I only do this when there's no one home! Doors locked. Blinds closed. Stereo blaring.


The second thing I need to tell you is that I hate raccoons. My house is situated on the edge of deep, dark East Texas woods where all sorts of critters live. Some of you may think that raccoons are docile, sweet things, but they're not, especially if you get between them and their food source. They turn extremely mean and vicious, baring their teeth and claws and threatening you with their hissing fits. I've been known to shoot a few.


One hot, sultry, summer night, all the kids were gone somewhere, the husband was working out of town, and I was home alone. At last. Time to do some cleaning. I stripped down to the faithful, frayed granny panties and sports bra, turned on my favorite Glen Campbell music, and began my cleaning frenzy. Glen and I sashayed through the housework together, singing at the top of our lungs and enjoying the moment.


We, Glen and I, were just about finished with our chores. Entering the utility room, I could hear the faint sounds of laughing and chattering just outside the back door. Peeking out the door, the four little bandits were making hash of the black garbage bag. Cans, paper, chicken bones, and trash covered the deck. Those nasty things were feasting on the sack's contents.


They looked at me and froze. I gingerly stepped out, reached as far as I could to grab my mop, and started my rampage -- screaming, swinging that mop, and screeching at the things.


"Shoo! Shoo! Shoo! Get out of that garbage!" My tirade just enraged them. They began hissing and baring their teeth and claws, charging at me. It just made me madder.


"Shoo! Shoo! Get out of here!" poking the mop in their faces. I was really mad. I screamed at them, "Just you wait! I'm going to get my gun!" Like that scared them. I ran inside, grabbed my gun, went back out, and threatened their lives.


"Get out of here! You're asking for it!" *bang* Yes, I shot one. (Now, please don't be upset. There are plenty more of them out there.) *bang* I shot another one. *click* *click* No more bullets. 'Go back inside and get more bullets,' my brain was shouting. The other two were at my feet. I was jumping up and down, now using the mop again to gain some ground on them. No effect.


I was getting tired. After all the cleaning and screaming and jumping around, I was running out of steam. I shrieked at them, "Oh, you can have it!" Turning around to jump back inside, I realized the door had closed and locked. *gulp* Looking down, those little beady eyes looked at me like I was their next meal. I screamed again, and with all my remaining energy, with my mop and gun in hands, I barrelled to the deck railing, threw one little fat leg over and then the other, and jumped.

I landed on both feet and realized I didn't break either of my little fat legs. I began running toward the end of the house and could hear hisses of laughter from those hideous, horrid rodents. I could just imagine them high-fiving with each other.

Turning the corner of the house, I was caught like a deer in the headlights. With my gun, my mop, wearing granny panties and sports bra, there I was in my neighbor's truck lights, shining on my sweaty, fleshy frame. I looked down at myself, thinking: "I've got to lose weight!"


Continued (whenever I get good and ready to tell you the rest of this silly story...)

Monday List

Up until several years ago, I basically flew through life by the seat of my pants, meaning I was not a goal setter or a future thinker. Oh, I had ideas about what I wanted, but I never inked out and translated those ideas into definite ways to achieve what was on my heart and mind.


Then I joined Toastmasters. Toastmasters was a life-changing experience in so many ways, transforming me into a thinking-inking-translating being. Now, my life is governed by lists, and I work well from them.


Mondays on this blog will be dedicated to goal setting. List Day. You're my accountability partner. Care to join me?


My deep thoughts (yes, I have them!) fit into three categories: Mind, will, emotions (or body, soul, spirit). I try to address each every week in some way.

Mind Examples: Read the Bible; read thoughtful, challenging books; memorize scripture; work puzzles; write; study a subject; relearn algebra; get involved in a cause; turn off the TV; etc. Years ago, I picked up a copy of Josh McDowell's first book Evidence That Demands a Verdict. He now has the updated version: New Evidence That Demands a Verdict. I'm buying it as a faith builder.

Will Examples: Make concrete decisions; fulfill obligations; minister to someone; work faithfully at my job; don't sweat the small stuff; wake up earlier; go to bed earlier; exercise; get projects done; clean the house; set time limits; turn off the TV, etc.

Emotion Examples: Love more; laugh more; be creative; have a quiet time each day; listen to good music; volunteer; (learn to) pray more effectively; play the piano; sing; turn off the TV; etc.


This week, I will (besides the regular things I already do):

1. complete denim quilt and three sewing projects to post on etsy
2. attend life coach training on Wednesday
3. make sweet potato casserole for 60, help decorate for volunteer banquet; attend banquet Thursday night
4. memorize Psalm 146:1-5 (next week 6-10)
5. prepare for kid#4 to come home from college this weekend (please pray for him -- he's been sick)
6. mail taxes -- ugh!
7. get exercise dvd from Carol

That's enough for me. What's on your list?
Let me show you what 'hope' really is! "O praise the Lord. Praise the LORD, my soul. As long as I live I will praise the Lord; I will sing songs to my God all my life long. Put no faith in princes (my note - Obama), in any man, who has no power to save. He breathes his last breath, he returns to the dust; and in that same hour all his thinking ends. Happy is the man whose helper is the God of Jacob, whose hopes are in the LORD his God." Psalm 146:1-5 (The New English Bible)
See you in the funny papers.

Sunday's Ten Minute Report

Good evening, all you lovelies in blogworld:

Tonight's ten minute report begins with the Dallas Cowboys' win in overtime. Miles, baby, you pulled it out! Not that your team, or Tony, or Wade, necessarily helped you, but in overtime, you are the man! That smile on your face as you crossed the goal line was sublime.

But I have to be honest. I actually only saw the last four minutes of the game. I started watching the game and got drowsy. Ended up asleep on the couch for the entire game even through half-time, now and then hearing 34 and kid #3 saying, "Gosh, did you hear Mom?" In brief periods of consciousness, I'd hear them snickering at my entertaining sleeping sounds - puffs of air, honest-to-goodness snoring, snake-like sounds, etc. I can't figure out these days how to breathe again through my nose; my mouth won't stay closed anymore. I wonder if duck tape would work...

Well...on to more interesting things...the renovation house report is that we finished the front door yesterday. Yay! We were unable to put on the second coat of paint to the other two exterior doors due to cooler temps (58 degrees) and drizzle. Our plans are to finish out the front with shutters, railing between the posts, and brick steps and walkway.

See the lush bushes along the bottom of the picture? No, not the wood ferns that take over everything each year, but the beautiful full bushes and landscape? You don't? That's because this prolific family of bunnies has eaten everything -- the nandinas, variegated monkey grass, each and every flower. I finally got smart too late and sprayed some kind of citrus concoction on the plants, and I haven't seen the little family since. But, I'm yanking it all up this winter and replanting. Any ideas for the empty space around the downstairs octagonal window?

34 worked inside while I worked outside.

This is my kitchen, a lengthy, oddly-shaped room with space for a small breakfast table by the outside door.This is the scene under the kitchen floor. He's measuring for vent pipe drainage. All the drain lines are in and half the water lines are run. I'm hoping we can complete all the water lines before the cold weather sets in and get the insulation in. (Side note: 34 and I in the past bought investment houses and renovated them. He worked part-time as a trim carpenter in college and progressed as the years past to reconstruction. You probably would find it hard to believe that 34 is a Victorian man at heart; he loves the detail of the period architecture, carved woods, and elaborate, ornate design.)But, in this picture, my beloved is cursing and crying and beating the floor trying to install an extra deep soaking tub that has to have a mortar bed beneath it. No, I couldn't have the jet tub, because it would require extra plumbing (along with the potential problems of extra leaking) on the second floor. Yeah... So, I opted for the soaking tub. I think it'll be a good option.

You remember the storm we had Friday morning? I gathered limbs and raked tree litter and have the blisters to prove it.

The wildlife family was in the yard when we pulled in today. That's my little garden shed in the background, and you can see the gorgeous orange metal chairs under the mimosas. (My apologies that this picture is somewhat blurry. My camera doesn't zoom very well. But, can you see them? My other landscape munchers? Aren't they beautiful?)
And, here's the finished dress worn by kid #5. Isn't she beautiful? :)

This concludes tonight's report. Until tomorrow...
See you in the funny papers.

Storm Warning

In the wee hours of this morning, a storm hit. It wasn't the worst we've ever had, but the radio reported power outages, high winds and/or a small tornado touched down, and trees uprooted and layed over highways and county roads.

So while the storm raged outside and since none of us had early schedules to meet, we kept under covers until the winds, rain, and lightning passed. The rain continued in showers, standing in puddles and flowing into gullies already swollen and overflowing with water. This past month, I have emptied almost 20 inches of water from my rain gauge. Our drive from the paved road to where we live is completely saturated ground, slip-sloshing mud and sand, making fishtails and cutting donuts thrilling, yet scary. Ya never know when the car will decide to get stuck.

It was a great day to sew. I finished a hip little number for kid #5. Probably the first dress I've made her since she was very little. And she loved it. The pattern says "one easy pattern," but on a scale of 1-5, I'd rate it 3.5 for yokes, collar, cuffs, and multi-gathers. Definitely not a beginner pattern.

When the weather cleared enough to venture out, I was eager to see the renovation house. After hearing personal reports from those who live in the renovation house area, my mom and I headed out and pretended we were reporters taking pictures. (My mom drove in yesterday, getting some mental relief from the radiation treatments she's taking. She's doing well, considering, and only has about 9 more to go.)




This fallen sweet gum tree is in the pasture beside the renovation house. But, LOOKIE, LOOKIE, LOOKIE at what I found when I drove up to the house... it's still raining...

A BRAND NEW ROOF!!!! woooo hoooo!! jump up and down!! hallelujah!!! Yesterday was a warm, balmy day, so it looks like the roof fairy came and left a present. Another project down, 50 more to go. Picking my way through tree litter around the house and gazing adoringly at the lovely new roof, I missed the wildlife family in the backyard. They were so quiet, even in their movement. Got the last one as he silently moved into the woods.


34 says he can make it rain when he wants to. He yells at me, "I'm going to wash my truck." I wish he'd stop hollering at me for a while.

See you in the funny papers.